What about men
Historically, talk of a mid-life crisis brought to mind a middle-aged man, recently divorced with a new, younger girlfriend, driving around town in his fancy convertible. Women were less spoken about, certainly not like now where you constantly hear about menopause, hormones, mood swings and even how to cater for this life change in the workforce.
What you don’t hear so much about is the male version of mid-life. Maybe that’s because women talk more, to each other and often more openly than men. That’s not to say that they don’t also hit a wall at this time in life and question their own choices and future.
I recently watched a series on ABC iview called In Limbo, about a guy whose best friend dies and how he gets through with the help of his friends. Sounds like a depressing watch, but it was the opposite. It showed how men use banter and just showing up when needed to support each other. Less sitting around having a heart to heart, but just as effective, and really well demonstrated in this dark comedy series.
The other difference for men is that often their sense of identity is tied up with their work. Women might go part time, have kids or have a career break and in all of these scenarios often meet new friends and have time to spend nurturing those relationships. Men tend to work full time, leaving less opportunity to hang out with mates especially once there are partners and/or kids involved.
I listened to a panel discussion on men’s health a few years ago and the one speaker that really stuck with me spoke about how he fell into depression and lost his sense of identity when he stopped working. The majority of his ‘friends’ and time outside of home was spent at work, so he felt lost when he finished up.
Now, mid-life is obviously not when most of us are going to stop working, but it did highlight that men need time outside of work and family obligations, to invest in interests and friendships the same way us women do. Just something to keep in mind when writing a to-do list for the holidays. Let’s make space for the men too.
